Funny Things People Say And Do

1. My great-aunt Trudy used to make the most delicious biscuits that were the size of a dollar coin - or was it a quarter...?

2. ...then, when she'd ask if you wanted more - duh, they were hardly bite size! - she'd start at the top of some list of relatives in her head ("Bobby, Buddy, Charles, Vic") until she finally got to your name. Then my grandmother Mimi started doing the "list" thing when she called someone. And then my mom. And now my sister does it. To be fair, though, with a houseful of people, say, at Christmas, I can see how it might be confusing. Whatever. It's still funny.

3. One year when we were at the beach - my family goes to Oak Island, North Carolina every year for a week - my niece Devon, who was five at the time, had come inside from the beach in her bikini for lunch. After eating, she was watching MTV, when Sisqo's "Thong Song" came on. When the video was over, Devon asked,""Isn't a thong just a string for your butt crack?" Out of the mouths of babes...

4. ...when Devon was seven, I called to wish my sister Lauren Happy Mother's Day. Devon answered the phone, so I asked what they did for her mom, and she replied, "We gave her presents, and breakfast in bed, and yadda, yadda, yadda."

5. My tenth grade English teacher, Mrs. Dutey, when she couldn't get anyone to answer a question, used to say, "Agh! This is like pulling teeth!"

6. My twelfth grade biology teacher, Mrs. Basanta, used to call everything, from what we'd examine under a microscope to frogs we'd dissect, "little beasties."

7. Since we're flashing back to high school, my Spanish teacher, Mrs. de las Heras, used to call on everyone in class at least one time. She once told me that I would ask a question that wasn't really pertinent to the day's lesson just so she wouldn't call on me - and thus avoid a question I couldn't answer.


8. My nephew Vance is 14 now, the oldest kid in his family, and a natural leader. In fact, he's known how to delegate for years now. When he was 9 or 10, he was the self-appointed "president" of the fort his dad Steve built for him and his brother Connor and sister Devon behind their house. Vance would delegate "fort duties" to his brother, sister, and the neighbor kids. Then, while his "troops" were outside working on the fort, Vance would supervise. From the comfort of his air-conditioned bedroom. You have to hand it to Vance - it does get well over a hundred degrees in Tucson in the summer.

Lauren, Vance, Steve, Devon, Connor (2007)

9. When it's really hot outside, my aunt Betty Jo says "It's hotter'n young love out here!"

10. Have you ever noticed, that when you buy a book of twenty self-adhesive stamps from the post office, the bottom right "stamp" says "not valid for postage?" Have you ever wondered why? Because when it was left blank, someone tried to use it!